- My lease ends mid-August and the building is up for sale. If it sells I need to find another place. If the building doesn’t sell I can renew my lease, except that I cannot afford this apartment on my own. I haven’t been able to find a housemate.
- I cannot afford any of the available apartments in the area — or even house/apartment shares here or in VT — that allow cats, of which I have one. Not on my present income.
- None of the jobs I’ve applied for to get a supplementary income have given me a call back. The job I’m working currently has hours plus one each way for travel such that it makes most jobs unavailable to me just as a matter of lacking flexibility. I could try applying for other full-time jobs again, but the only reason I’m trying to stay in this area at this point is really for my kids, and quitting would defeat the purpose of staying.
- In another year I’m not going to have any health insurance — I’m on my parents’ plan. My parents have also been helping me pay for gas. They want me to come back home and live with them for a year to save up for grad school, for which I missed fall deadlines and need to wait until next year’s for the programs I’m looking at hardest, which do not have/allow Spring semester starts. If they put their foot down come August (or earlier if the building sells), that’s it.
There are teaching assistant positions in NYC I’m trying for, and a few teaching positions there that don’t require the same data or previous experience specifically leading a classroom. I feel guilty applying for any of them because I don’t want to leave these kids, who I was supposed to be with for at least another year in my mind, though I don’t really know why that seemed like it would work at the time.
Financially, keeping this job is unrealistic. In terms of my own future, it’s also not the best decision if it is in lieu of other jobs that would put me where I wanted to be professionally. Working part-time for an out-of-school program is not going to help me get into a classroom. And in other positions in other locations — even living at home and working for the family business — I would at least be able to entertain attending graduate school part-time or, for programs that aren’t necessarily what I want in every detail but “get the job done” so to speak, apply for the Spring semester. If I’m unsuccessful at getting any other position it still leaves me in a lurch trying to make a living off of this one, potentially without a place to live.
But…the kids. My kids have just started getting really attached to me. I don’t want to be one more person that comes and goes, one more disappointment. I don’t want them to think that I don’t care about them. And it’s making what to other people seems like a simple decision impossible.
Just so you know. Because I care about you all too and know that I’ve been absent.