I have to leave at five in the morning to be sure I get there on time (it’s in upstate NY, I’m in Western Massachusetts).
Reviewing material that essentially amounts to everything you’d teach anyone in every subject in grades one through six is harrowing and nauseating, and I’m low on confidence.
It’s been over a year since I’ve taken a class on content or been in a formal classroom.
If I don’t pass this, I don’t get my license. Forget that — if I don’t pass this, I lose my feeling of self-worth.
Because right now, how well I will teach this material is being measured by how well I do on this test. I’ve taken and passed the others (while I was still learning and student-teaching and practicing); this is the only one left.
That feeling is creeping up on me — maybe I’m really not good enough, aware enough, experienced enough, to have a classroom of my own.